When to Offer the Book

Among the first questions that have come to me as the author of Facing Death: A Companion in Words and Images is that of how one decides when and whether to give the book to someone who is dying. Might it offend? Might it undermine a fragile hope? How do you know what is best?

I recall visiting a woman who was dying. She had other guests with her when I arrived and I lingered after they were gone. At that point she grabbed hold of my hand and told me she was exhausted by the need to be "cheerful" all the time. She wanted to talk about the fact of her impending death and nobody would let her.

I believe there are people out there who are dying without the option to share what the experience is doing to them. Sometimes, of course, that is preferred. In many other cases, it is a painful void. One of the reaons I wrote Facing Death is the hope that it might open the door to that vital conversation, if not with someone else then at least inwardly as the book is used alone.

Facing Death allows the reader to be in control of what they read, when they read and whether or not they add to the book from their own experience. The book can be read in one sitting or sampled when the mood strikes. If there are some messages the reader wants to avoid and others they want to find easily, bookmarks or post-its can be a solution. If the user wants to share the book, that is easily done. For some, the pictures will be all that matters, while others will hang on the text.

I am also reminded of an early reviewer of the book who confessed that he had been sorely tempted to share the draft manuscript I'd given him with three young men who had come to him for counselling because they didn't know how to talk with their dying father. This reminds me that it may not always be the person dying who actually gets the most benefit out of having the book around.

My suggestion about the decision of whether to offer the book or not is that you follow your instincts, in a manner you might with another sort of gift. Many of the dying receive greeting cards and bouquets of flowers. If the cards or the flowers are not wanted, they can be ignored or removed. If they are appreciated they can be kept close at hand. So too with this book.

A gift is an opportunity that can only be received if it is offered.

Offer this book with confidence knowing that it has won three awards to date: the 2009 USA Book News National Best Book Award in the Spirituality: Journaling & Quotes category, the 2010 Benjamin Franklin Award for Excellence in Publishing in the Gift Book category sponsored by the Independent Book Publishers Association, and the 2010 National Mature Market Silver Award in the Book (Editorial) category.